I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
