Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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