Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
