I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
