That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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