question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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