Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
