I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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