I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize