No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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