My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
40s are totally the cure
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
