My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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