Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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