I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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