I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
