I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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