Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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