wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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