Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
