Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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