PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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