Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
