So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
