i came on her dog
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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