i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
