I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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