How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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