the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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