I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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