Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
