There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
