It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
