chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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