***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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