He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
