you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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