Too much gin, very little bucket
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize