Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I met the friendliest cop last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
