Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Its about making memories worth repressing
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
