Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
