dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
