Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
