dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
