guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
