my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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