puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
