I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
