So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
