I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Two words: blizzard sex
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
