You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
