remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
