She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
