I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize