It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
