do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize