I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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