I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize