At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
