I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
