Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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