I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
