there's paper in my vomit.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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