Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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