we have officially lost it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
