When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
