Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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