He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
