My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
