Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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